Color Me Rad

If you're looking for something different to do physically, why not try the Color Me Rad Run! I just signed up. While I won't be running as much as I'm walking...this looks like a blast!

http://www.colormerad.com/

Some friends are doing it and I thought I'd join in. Haven't run much in the last year. I've switched over to walking. That persistant injury in my right leg just wouldn't give in even after physical therapy. I miss running but walking can be just as satisfying and will probably sustain me through the rest of my life without tearing my body down.

E received his Tiger Cub Badge this February, we were all so proud!

 R surprised us with two baby ducklings just before Easter

 We've been fishing and....

 ...and fishing...

 ...and fishing some more!

Full Grown Quackers: Maude and Lucy

So shortly after I posted I took a position with a public school elementary and I ended up staying until the end of the school year so that is why I have not been posting. I hope to be better now that it's summer and time is more free. I've posted some pics from this Spring and the start of our Summer.

Recent Reads: Anne of Green Gables and Princess: Life Behind the Veil. The second book is a must read and has really opened my eyes to the lack of women's rights in other parts of the world. Matter of fact, my heart is broken for the majority of the women in Saudi Arabia. Read the book.

C just found a baby blue jay in the yard, it had fallen from its nest. May have happened last night with our violent winds. We may be taking it in...so I gotta run!

It's me, did you miss me?

I haven't blogged in an eternity. I think FB hijacked my need to spill. Mostly, I just spy on FB. I just go around and check on friends and peruse the pictures. It's not as appealing to me as it once was.

Well, it's the end of February and I'm right in the middle of my Winter Funk that I have realized now I get EVERY year. This winter has been odd and it certainly would have helped if we'd been able to afford a ski trip but nonetheless, I'm trudging along.

This week actually according to the forecast is going to bode as if Spring were here already. What a tease! I'm so done with it already.

I just read through some of my old blog. The one I hide away because honestly I had too much to say and didn't filter myself enough. I really let it go on there. This blog has been more discreet. But then, I'm not dealing with my own personal 9-11 anymore. Well, mostly.

Right now I'm in the middle of switching gears in my life. I'm technically in grad school to become a school counselor. I didn't start this semester because I had an opportunity to learn how to do an assessment. Still working through that but the further I get into it, the more I know, it's back to the front lines for kiddos for me. It's just my heart's calling. I can't sit on the side lines. Sometimes, I even think about going back into Child Welfare although there's no feasible way to do that. I'm a Mom first. I have to have a kid friendly schedule.

Currently, I am seeking employment within a school. Hoping to get my foot in the door. I have already been offered a job but it didn't fit and I have an interview tomorrow. That one feels right but we'll see.

I've not got anything witty or crass to say. I know I need to be better about blogging but for what reason I am not entirely sure. I'm off FB for Lent. Honestly, I don't know about FB. I don't know if I'll be back at least for some time.

Right now, I feel a bit alone and isolated as I wrestle things out. Winter does this to me. All that brown and dead. I don't have anything brilliant to share, I'm just marking time as to where I am right now.

Possibly later, the words will come to me and I'll be a bit more witty.

All for now.

Memory of Motion and Other Musings

I just finished mopping. I know it's a glamorous life I lead here in the Heartland of America. But the repetitive motion took me back to sweeping out the barn. Late nights in High School just sweeping and sweeping and sweeping. Hearing horses clearing their nasal passages as the dust from their feed buckets got in their throats. The swish, swish, swish as they moved about in their shaving-laden stalls. That was peace. It truly was. I didn't have so many boyfriends in High School. I had my horse Abi. He was worth that. Truly. Miss him so.

Also, I learned something about myself last night at the gun range.. Quite possibly I'm a Texan who doesn't care for guns. Target practice, yes. Shooting guns at targets that look like people no. Am I becoming a liberal in my old age? I discovered that yes, I want to be familiar with a gun...yes, I get if there's an intruder you need to shoot to kill and your first shot better be the 'the one'...I knew this clearly from oh, about 5th grade. When you have a father that's a fire fighter and a registered peace officer you know these things...but now that I'm 35 nearing 36, I've decided that to me there's two kinds of 'gun people' and I know I'm generalizing...those that truly love it for the sport and those like the two guys in the stall next to us with the semi-automatic handgun that were really just playing 'gangsta'.

I also discovered...I prefer shooting outdoors with people I know and people I know KNOW how to handle guns. This standing next to Joe Blow who may have a safe weapon and may know how to use it...uh, too much for this safety anxious girl. The key word in the previous sentence is MAY.

Also the footage of people shooting at mannequins with watermelons for heads...that imagery just didn't fit in my world. Why would I want to see that? Why would I need to do that? If you're in a situation where you need to experience that kind of imagery to purchase a particular brand of bullets, I'd be pretty interested to know what line of work you're in.

Maybe I lead a sheltered life. The older I get the less I enjoy any concept of violence. Yep...something new I learned about myself.

As a result of the aforementioned, I wandered over to the archery section. Now there's something I really could get back into. Yeah, they've got all the toys in the world for archery. But I'm just gonna dig out my old long bow and get a bale of hay (if I can find one, we're in a drought for heaven's sake). A few paper targets...and it's right back to High School and memory lane again. Thank the Lord above we did not have smart phones, texting, Facebook or Twitter in High School. See what I would have missed out on?

So memory lane is in the air. What a rich childhood I had. And oh, how it's the little things like a repetitive motion or going out to do something with friends that can bring all that back. I daresay...I'm a sentimental fool. And frankly, I'm proud of it.

Chapter 1, Page 1

"It's not hard to decide what you want your life to be about. What's hard, she said, is figuring out what you're willing to give up in order to do the things you really care about."

— Shauna Niequist

So this quote comes up from a friend. I love it! It's exactly where we are. I think R and I are hitting this stage in our lives early. My Mom always told me in your 40s you'll start to re-evaluate your life and learn to just do what you feel right rather than taking everyone else's take on stuff. And so here we are. More convos on downsizing and re-aligning what we're chasing and where our priorities are.
 
It's peaceful. After eating at our favorite Hole in the Wall Mexican restaurant the other night...R said, I think really if I could just downsize, simplify, live smaller, plant a garden...I could be happy with where I am. Making what I do, doing what I am...what, we want to travel? That's it. We don't need the toys, the big house, all that...just kiddos going to private school and decent cars to drive...who cares about the rest, you know? I agreed, after all a trip just costs that one time, there's no maintenance cost to it, you plan it, you pay for it and then you're done. Not all that upkeep that the toys and the big house demands.
 
I slept better than I had in months just thinking about that and hearing R say he could be settled and content with that.
 
I'm reading a new set of books now. Weird by Craig Groeschel, Little House on the Freeway by Kimmel and Grace Walk by McVey. I feel a new chapter coming in this year...my word was content for this year and contented is what I'm resting in.
 
Recently, God put a lady in my life who when I expressed my spiritual depression over Chan and Platt's books...who encouraged me as she had just read them. She said you know, I think those books are great for really waking you up to how you're living. She agreed they were a little over board with their works versus grace approach and encouraged me to take the message and be aware of my life. But not to take it to excess and paralyze myself in the season I'm in. I am in a season that can look very inwardly focused...but right now, I am fueling the future as I grow my family and raise them up as arrows in my quiver (As my Dad used to put it or still does).
 
But a new chapter has started...the boys are in school all day now. I miss them terribly but I see where grad school and another career are waiting in the wings and I'm not feeling as guilty about the joy I feel over that possibility as I did in the beginning....because in a few years, I'll be ready and equipped to take hold of that dream and they'll be doing what they do each day...and less dependent on me as they do it. Heck, they may already be there...it's hard to tell. C really seems to be just chugging along as we go. He loves it! And E is falling into his routine like a champ. I'm so glad we stretched ourselves and sprung for private school, it's like home and the people really are like family.
 
So this school year as it starts is ushering in so much and I see the big picture sort of starting to gel as we enter this next phase of life. No longer is it changing diapers and nap times, no longer is it learning to talk, walk and the like. I miss those times. I sit here with eyes filled with tears thinking of how it's already passed me by but I welcome with open arms this next time in our life. There's so much still to explore and learn together and teach as we go along...I am contented. Truly.

CJ and Me

Today marks 2 years without CJ. Being my roommate, I sort of feel a hole in my memories now at college. When I think of OBU, I think of CJ. We lived together 3 out of our 4 years there. We were instant best friends. We only fought one time that I can think of and now that I think about it, she was probably right.

Cindy went to OBU to be a pastor. She was Lutheran and they allowed that at her church ;). Of course, those good ole Southern Baptist Boys gave her a run for her money and she ultimately changed majors. I wish she hadn't.

Cindy had the biggest heart. Huge, in fact. She always had time for others. She always had time to give and something to add. I think she learned her encouraging side from her mother who incessantly filled my mail box at OBU with notes, letters, stickers and little tokens of love. Jane was the best at making you feel loved when so far away from home.

Cindy and spent a lot of time talking about boys and life and our dreams after college. We spent many late nights rambling around Shawnee. Most of my memories of hanging out and staying up, studying and living life are wrapped around her.

Today is the 2nd anniversary of her passing. It still shocks me to the core that she's gone. Although I know it's bittersweet to lose her, I can't help but think how happy she must be right now. Those of us left behind aren't any where near being that happy and never will be here on this little planet.

So today I hope to stop and think about how short and sweet life is. She'll always be there in my heart and she'll always be the one who stood by me those four years. I miss you CJ. I do.

The Lacuna by Barbara Kingsolver

An excerpt:

"Shepherd, my friend. This month, in certain quarters, people are burning the Graphic Survey because it contains a picture story on life in Russia. Photographs of farms. Windmills, whatever they have on farms. Russian cows. This incites people to bonfires."

"What do you think is frightening them?"

"Hearst news. If the paper says everyone this season will be wearing a Lilly Dache' hat that resembles an armadillo, they will purchase the hat. If Hearst tells them to be afraid of Russia, they will buy that too."

"If the hat is too ridiculous, not everyone buys it."

Artie finally ashed his cigarette, then paused to light a new one from the old, which he left burning in the ashtray, presumably for ambiance. He reorganized his S-shaped body into a thoughtful pose against the desk. "Do you want to know my theory?"

"Of course."

"I think it's the bomb."

"People are afraid of the bomb?"

"Yes, I believe that is the heart of the matter. When that bomb went off over Japan, when we saw that an entire city could be turned to fire and gas, it changed the psychology of this country. And when I say 'psychology,' I mean that very literally. It's the radio, you see. The radio makes everyone feel the same thing at the same time. Instead of millions of various thoughts, one big psychological fixation. The radio commands our gut response. Are you following me?"


This particular paragraph from this 507 paged book has stuck with me over the last few days. It really makes me want to turn off my TV.

After reading this book I am taken aback by a lot of what history had to offer during this time period. For the thinking man or woman in America, it had to be a very confusing time. Not that right now is particularly clear either.

But oh how things changed as media emerged. Fascinating, fascinating.