Radical and Crazy Love were enough to send me into what seems like at least a year's worth of spiritual depression. Especially with Platt, things got dicey and I've been forever changed on my outlook. Back after reading Radical, I prayed a simple prayer. Lord, change my heart as you see fit. And slowly life has shifted, the colors have changed and I see, yes, there is a greater purpose in salvation. Following Christ does require a shift in our mindset, our lifestyle, our viewpoint.
It's been hard. Very hard. Having grown up an American Christian and having heard the chant of our culture that more will make you happy since I was born...it's been hard to see that actually less is the answer. Giving it away is the solution and pouring myself out is what is required.
No one talks about this in the churches I've attended. No one talks about really realigning your focus from getting to giving. No one questions what car one drives, the house one lives in, the purse one carries or the amount of money they spend on simply clothing, housing and providing for themselves. No one talks about how Jesus says to forsake all this and focus on His work, His people. I've never heard discussion about what the money one spends on one's desires could be used for other than fulfilling fleshly desires.
It's devastating to think that no one really seems to have pushed this idea into my head until I read Platt. Platt I feel is a bit extreme. He's a bit narrowly focused but all in all, he has a point. The American church for the most part, by and large, has it all wrong. We focus on buildings and programs and a lot of time working to make our services seem hip and happening so we can pack them in by the droves...
I'm not saying that churches in America aren't generous or completely focused in the wrong direction, there is a lot of good being done and there are many hands serving but in some ways, they've still missed the point. He has that right.
So as this shift is happening in my heart suddenly, R has an epiphany. And that epiphany cost me many tears and anguish yet my heart was ready even though my mind was not. Over the months though, I have come to rest in his plan and idea.
Rather than go for the 'it' house that so many we know are purchasing and rather than strapping ourselves with the car payments to match, we're heading the other direction.
The other direction contains one element that really sent me over the edge though. I think even David Platt might call it "Radical". We're moving into our rent house. Eight hundred square foot rent house. Yes, one-third the size of what we're living in now.
We're selling our 4 year project, sacrificing it on the altar. Even R said it had become an idol. So many people have looked at me like I'm crazy when I've announced the path we're on. So many have questioned why we would spend all this time doing all the remodeling, all the blood, sweat and tears only to turn around and sell it and move to something of that size. It makes no sense but we feel called to do it.
R wants a fresh start, a clean slate, low-budget living.
It'll be for a year and we do plan to build a modest sized home during that time period. But we have determined to get small and stay small. Our focus is not the square footage anymore. Bigger is not better. Smaller will allow us to be freed up to have funds to use for God and to do things we are more interested in doing rather than paying for a house. It will take the pressure off and allow us to provide our children with better opportunities and take our family in another direction financially.
It's not going to be easy but I've decided to look at it as a vacation from housework. How hard can it be to keep 800 square feet clean? I'm hoping not very. I'm also looking at it as a chance to grow closer as a family. It'll free up funds and who knows where God will take us with that. I dream of being able to give a sizable amount from the sale of our current home to Him to use somewhere in a huge way in the world. You just never know. I don't know where we're going really but I know He's called us to leave our comfort zone for this season.
I don't imagine we'll ever go back to a large home, never live anything like we currently are. I can see now my priorities are not the same. I don't feel the same about our 'nest' that I did six months ago. I want to be freed.
