Memory of Motion and Other Musings

I just finished mopping. I know it's a glamorous life I lead here in the Heartland of America. But the repetitive motion took me back to sweeping out the barn. Late nights in High School just sweeping and sweeping and sweeping. Hearing horses clearing their nasal passages as the dust from their feed buckets got in their throats. The swish, swish, swish as they moved about in their shaving-laden stalls. That was peace. It truly was. I didn't have so many boyfriends in High School. I had my horse Abi. He was worth that. Truly. Miss him so.

Also, I learned something about myself last night at the gun range.. Quite possibly I'm a Texan who doesn't care for guns. Target practice, yes. Shooting guns at targets that look like people no. Am I becoming a liberal in my old age? I discovered that yes, I want to be familiar with a gun...yes, I get if there's an intruder you need to shoot to kill and your first shot better be the 'the one'...I knew this clearly from oh, about 5th grade. When you have a father that's a fire fighter and a registered peace officer you know these things...but now that I'm 35 nearing 36, I've decided that to me there's two kinds of 'gun people' and I know I'm generalizing...those that truly love it for the sport and those like the two guys in the stall next to us with the semi-automatic handgun that were really just playing 'gangsta'.

I also discovered...I prefer shooting outdoors with people I know and people I know KNOW how to handle guns. This standing next to Joe Blow who may have a safe weapon and may know how to use it...uh, too much for this safety anxious girl. The key word in the previous sentence is MAY.

Also the footage of people shooting at mannequins with watermelons for heads...that imagery just didn't fit in my world. Why would I want to see that? Why would I need to do that? If you're in a situation where you need to experience that kind of imagery to purchase a particular brand of bullets, I'd be pretty interested to know what line of work you're in.

Maybe I lead a sheltered life. The older I get the less I enjoy any concept of violence. Yep...something new I learned about myself.

As a result of the aforementioned, I wandered over to the archery section. Now there's something I really could get back into. Yeah, they've got all the toys in the world for archery. But I'm just gonna dig out my old long bow and get a bale of hay (if I can find one, we're in a drought for heaven's sake). A few paper targets...and it's right back to High School and memory lane again. Thank the Lord above we did not have smart phones, texting, Facebook or Twitter in High School. See what I would have missed out on?

So memory lane is in the air. What a rich childhood I had. And oh, how it's the little things like a repetitive motion or going out to do something with friends that can bring all that back. I daresay...I'm a sentimental fool. And frankly, I'm proud of it.

Chapter 1, Page 1

"It's not hard to decide what you want your life to be about. What's hard, she said, is figuring out what you're willing to give up in order to do the things you really care about."

— Shauna Niequist

So this quote comes up from a friend. I love it! It's exactly where we are. I think R and I are hitting this stage in our lives early. My Mom always told me in your 40s you'll start to re-evaluate your life and learn to just do what you feel right rather than taking everyone else's take on stuff. And so here we are. More convos on downsizing and re-aligning what we're chasing and where our priorities are.
 
It's peaceful. After eating at our favorite Hole in the Wall Mexican restaurant the other night...R said, I think really if I could just downsize, simplify, live smaller, plant a garden...I could be happy with where I am. Making what I do, doing what I am...what, we want to travel? That's it. We don't need the toys, the big house, all that...just kiddos going to private school and decent cars to drive...who cares about the rest, you know? I agreed, after all a trip just costs that one time, there's no maintenance cost to it, you plan it, you pay for it and then you're done. Not all that upkeep that the toys and the big house demands.
 
I slept better than I had in months just thinking about that and hearing R say he could be settled and content with that.
 
I'm reading a new set of books now. Weird by Craig Groeschel, Little House on the Freeway by Kimmel and Grace Walk by McVey. I feel a new chapter coming in this year...my word was content for this year and contented is what I'm resting in.
 
Recently, God put a lady in my life who when I expressed my spiritual depression over Chan and Platt's books...who encouraged me as she had just read them. She said you know, I think those books are great for really waking you up to how you're living. She agreed they were a little over board with their works versus grace approach and encouraged me to take the message and be aware of my life. But not to take it to excess and paralyze myself in the season I'm in. I am in a season that can look very inwardly focused...but right now, I am fueling the future as I grow my family and raise them up as arrows in my quiver (As my Dad used to put it or still does).
 
But a new chapter has started...the boys are in school all day now. I miss them terribly but I see where grad school and another career are waiting in the wings and I'm not feeling as guilty about the joy I feel over that possibility as I did in the beginning....because in a few years, I'll be ready and equipped to take hold of that dream and they'll be doing what they do each day...and less dependent on me as they do it. Heck, they may already be there...it's hard to tell. C really seems to be just chugging along as we go. He loves it! And E is falling into his routine like a champ. I'm so glad we stretched ourselves and sprung for private school, it's like home and the people really are like family.
 
So this school year as it starts is ushering in so much and I see the big picture sort of starting to gel as we enter this next phase of life. No longer is it changing diapers and nap times, no longer is it learning to talk, walk and the like. I miss those times. I sit here with eyes filled with tears thinking of how it's already passed me by but I welcome with open arms this next time in our life. There's so much still to explore and learn together and teach as we go along...I am contented. Truly.