Yesterday as I headed south to Libby's. I flipped my car into manual transmission mode. I love it that this car has both. I got to really thinking about how I like to push a car to its limits particularly in a standard. And it suddenly came to mind, what are things that feed your true self? The activities that bring you to life and make you feel truly alive? What gives you that burning sensation in your chest that you're touching upon something that brings the blood rushing?
Everyone has them. The boys were particularly quiet playing with Star Wars toys in the back seat so I let my mind wander as I ate up the miles to Chickasha. Going 81 always has its perks. Being that it's a two lane highway through farm land always sends me introspective on myself. And also the fact that you can sort of "experiment" with your vehicle without too much concern for the po po. ;)
So I thought of how others feed themselves, their inner selves...Rick loves to create and recreate with his hands. My Dad loves to EXPLORE anything and everything, walk, hike...I have friends who love photography. Libby loves to PAINT....My Mom likes to do graphic design. It all feeds who they are in their core.
Here's my list:
1. Driving a stick and making the machine work at my bidding
2. Riding a horse and being in sync with this large animal, talking without words
3. Walking alone in a pasture and stopping to hear and see but only in Graham for some reason
4. Reading something challenging and inspiring, thinking on it, applying it
5. Studying God's word and seeing it's seamless story
6. Taking time to stop and really study something and learn in a museum, whether art or exhibit
7. Taking just the right photograph and getting lost in the view from the lense
8. Travel and silence, taking in a place that is not familiar in the least, hearing the noises, the people, the smells
9. Garden work, uninterrupted, digging and planting, pulling and taming
I was telling Rick yesterday...about this concept and something I gleaned from thinking on it. I was a bit surprised to notice that I tend to feel most myself with independent activities like those I've listed above, many of which involve getting lost in my own moment.
The experience isn't corporate although I like company. But part of me is very in tune with time that is just me. Maybe this is why there are times I get so crazy being at home with the kids that I want to just run. Maybe this is why there have been many times that I've just pulled away from others...from a sense of feeling smothered or too in demand. I tend to return...but it's cyclical. I tend to sort of wax and wane. It's good to have time to one's self now and then. Truly it makes me a better giver to give this to myself when I can. It also calls me to a deeper understanding although not perfect and many times tainted of who I am and how this whole world comes together. Many times I feel God in a way not easily defined. It's like the whole things from Chariots of Fire...when the Eric says he runs to feel God's pleasure. That really really speaks to me.
Could it be that God is all of our personalities rolled into one...that He pours into us His own characteristics and likes and dislikes and that each of us is a piece of Himself in this way...the desire to feel speed and control, the need to talk without words, the seeker of beauty, the explorer or what have you? I certainly am convinced.
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