What's new with you...

Just a snippet to say...the HOARD is getting dispersed. We have started to actually go through all our junk we had in storage and then our garage and now....I see why I love the show HOARDERS. So much.

I'm a sentimental hoarder. Knowing is half the battle. Giving it away and letting go is the second.

What I'm most struck by is the amount of junk. What I'm most upset about is how American I am. And lastly...what is most joyous to me is realizing...uh, stuff doesn't make you happy and you don't need most of it, heck I don't even want most of it.

I let go of the VW Bugs collection I've had since high school. I want the real thing.

I let go of all the kids' baby toys...they're too old and someone else can enjoy them.

I'm even letting go of my horse books. Oh and there are many, many.

What I'm not letting go of are pictures. Nope. Not gonna do it. So much of this stuff is from college and my old room at home. It's amazing what memories are conjured up. The good and the bad and well, the sad. But I'm sifting and getting my house in order.

We're also really starting to get the house close to being 'done' done. You know, like have people over and just celebrate done...we're not 'there' there but we're so close I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. :)

I'll post some pics in a follow up post. For now, I must become more productive and clean up and stuff...Thanksgiving is upon us and well, I'm hosting for half of it! ;)

I don't want to be this parent...but, well, I am...

So maybe living a little RADICAL (I am by no means there yet...may never reach it, but getting closer)....has rubbed off on my little man, E.

The other day in the car we had our usual random conversations about school...and life and things he 'needs to know'.

Let me back up a moment...recently we have been begging for a DS...Nintendo DS that is. They're $120 plus and with his recent birthday money, he wants to buy one...Daddy says no. Mommy was on the fence...and then I explained that what it would cost to buy this 'toy' would feed 3 children for a month through Compassion International. I told him, it's not bad to want nice things, it's not even bad to have nice things...but you have to think about what you do with your money. I want him to have perspective.

I realize it's his birthday money, his blow money and we have added the DS to the Christmas list as my husband is a STRONG believer in delayed gratification and teaching our children that since we live in a culture that whips out the credit card for the "NOW" factor...but that being said, the request has been delayed in being answered and E has had time to think.

So a few weeks pass...

Yesterday, he asks me how much we give each month to the kids we 'adopted'. I clarified...we 'sponsor'. I explained and he then said...I'd like to give some of my money to them. I was blown away...downright proud and well, it was beyond words the feeling...to see in my child a heart that wants to give to those in need on his own...was well, AMAZING!

So we have decided he can give them extra monies for their birthdays this year...he's looking forward to the first child's birthday that is coming up in October. He smiled so big when I told him we could. It melted my heart.

No mention of the DS since. But I'm sure it'll resurface...and you know what, that's fine. He's only 7.

On a Less Serious Note

So...I've been pretty serious on this blog lately with Radical and what not and I'm still taking that all in one day at a time...matter of fact our small group will be tackling this profound book together this Fall. I am looking forward to it immensely...because misery loves company! No...because I need others to flesh this out for me...to take it apart bit by bit and step back. I'm particularly looking forward to the perspective of one of our members who just came back from Jordan on a mission trip. He's already got a fire in his belly over the American church so I'm sitting on pins and needles waiting to see his reaction to it.

But in the mean time, I've neglected telling you about family life around here. So I'm going to do a little catching up. We are still currently working on the house...the neverending, blood, sweat and tears committment that we've gotten ourselves into is STILL in process. Bless R's heart and mine for not exploding over it...we're gonna get there. We just got all the new windows in or rather R got all the new windows in...

And here is our completed dining room with the new chandelier a la Lowe's...this isn't my forever house so I thought it was good enough....

It's cute and it works so that works for me.

The longer we work on this house, the longer I add time to staying in it because frankly I may need a five year break before we do something else...I'd really like to stay here at least another 3 years before we move so Caleb can be right by the schools.

Which leads me to my next subject...my Baby's going to 1st grade! We decided to move him to a private Christian school and with that has come all the rigamaroo which will certainly prove worth it in the end...but it has also made me realize his time home with me is over! Now the majority of his days will be filled with influence from the outside world. Libs has done her best to remind me how much I loved school and what an exciting time this is for him but I can't help but become teary eyed over it. Let's see how she handles it here in a few years!

Mr. C is thoroughly thrilled to be going to Pre-K this year...he has already picked out a back pack, labeled his school supplie and made plans for hitting the pavement to school. He's really too cute and so excited to be able to join in.

.

This summer has been filled with the pool, friends and just time hanging out. We haven't really done anything spectacular or taken a trip as we are saving up for skiing in Angel Fire this upcoming winter. But the boys have gotten to play non-stop with their friends and enjoy sleeping in and staying up late.

Since the weather got intolerably hot, we have resorted to playing Wii together and just hanging out inside. We have gone to see a few movies. Toy Story 3 was my first 3D experience...and it was a really good movie to boot. As the summer winds down, we will be having a 'stay-cation' in OKC at a hotel with a kid-cool pool with friends of ours and hitting White Water Bay (yes, I'm so excited...). I cannot believe summer is coming to a close.

Ethan's Tball pic for this year

The boys at Tball Award Ceremony

Father's Day at Tinker AFB

The Boys with Papa D and 1st place

Practically Speaking

So I've finished Radical and will need to read it again. There's too much there to wrap your mind around.

First thing I see happening is I'm so horribly upset with the American Church and how we spend the majority of our time asking God to this or that for US. How dare we!

Matter of fact, I've started to see just how much we focus on US and what He's doing for our lives, our families...etc. He's not SANTA CLAUS!

It seems to me we spend an unbalanced amount of time going to Jesus like He's our soothsayer, our guru for our lives...how do I proceed here? What about this?

I can't stand it.

I can't even pray anything for myself anymore. When we're at a crossroads on things, I simply ask that He just do what He will and we'll just deal with what He graciously decides for our lives.

It's a new way of praying for me. I just simply tell Him, it's fine with me whether we do this or go there or not. I just want to be a vessel. Your love is sufficient for me and mine.

I do still pray for my children and my family. I do still pray for the world and those around us that are suffering. I pray for the now 3 children I am sponsoring through Compassion International. I pray for Rick and his leadership of our family. I pray to continue to be sensitive to the over abundance that I live in on a day to day basis and I pray I can instill in my children a wide-eyed awareness of this and instruct them how we have to give, we are called to give and give we will.

Recently, I had a convo with E on some sort of gadget he wanted that so and so had...and we didn't.

I took that moment and told him, you know, the world has a lot to offer and compared to most of the people living here, we have a lot of it already...we don't NEED that thing. That thing will cost money we could spend helping someone else that doesn't have it so good. He looked perplexed but he seemed to comprehend. This is just the start of it...

So life is still altered by this information. This new awakening of the truth of the Christian life. I try so hard not to be offended when I see other believers living a misguided life striving after the wrong things...I know it's a long road ahead of me and much more detox will need to be had. The balance is hard to find between just living in a box and living with just enough and giving the rest away in some sort of fashion.

I am still begging God to show me every day where to start, what to do and how to be. I do desire that He keep me aware and my eyes open...I never want to be in the dark again.

I'm striving to really see what have I done for Him lately? If you love someone, you show them...do I show Him that regularly? I can say emphatically...right now, no I haven't.

Back to Square One

Began reading David Platt's book entitled Radical today. Four chapters in and I found myself choked up and on the verge of tears plenty of times.

I am afraid to admit were Jesus to turn to me and say the things he did to the masses at times...I may be one that walked away. I truly might have had I realized how hard it is to follow Him.

As a child it was never presented to me in this fashion. As an adult I cannot deny it is part of the equation.

I'm bumfuzzled to put it mildly. I am depressed to put it melodramatically.

I am daring to ask that He raise a Holy Passion in me to do His will for my life. I am seeking a focus so that I don't feel so scattered and can take action. Which cause should I delve into? There's so many. Yet I can hear myself saying...it's not supposed to be this hard. But when faced with such an enormous black hole in my faith...what more can I do?

I dare you to read this book and not be shaken.

Bigger Look

I've given myself over to researching commentaries on Luke 14. I've found many of them quite helpful. I have also stumbled upon some insights and other resources discussing possessions in relation to our walk as disciples. These have also helped me to see more clearly how we are to treat our possessions.

Here is one link that was particularly good:


http://library.generousgiving.org/articles/display.asp?id=194


Here are some others:

http://bible.org/seriespage/how-hate-your-wife-luke-1425-35


http://www.pbc.org/files/messages/8571/4260.html


These commentaries point out that we are to hold all we have with open hands for Christ's bidding.

My deepest struggle has been what to do with what I have. Do I just up and give it all away?

I see a bigger picture here. Even those living at the lowest end of incomes in this country are exponentially 'richer' than most of the world. Just having been born in the USA gives one infinitely more wealth than others elsewhere. This isn't about becoming impoverished for Him. It's about having a proper perspective. Not serving our possessions, not being mastered by the almighty dollar and about using what we DO HAVE to further the gospel, love others, serve others, feed and clothe others.

I think my greatest revelation in all of this is seeing finally through His eyes how I've used my possessions or NOT used my possessions and wealth for Him. How I've clung to them as comfort, peace, happiness (although fleeting) and used them to fill myself up many times.

It's time to let go of that. As I've said prior my eyes have been opened and it's time to seek what He would have me do.

Of course, first of all, and as Rick also is feeling called, we will learn to live 'smaller' so we can give more. I'm still working on practicing this even before we have taken a step towards a smaller house, etc. I'm still learning to see how much we do have...lying in bed thanking Him for every piece of my life. I'm more thankful than I've been in years just seeing my life through this lens.

I'm also working on finding something or somewhere I can serve regularly and that my children can serve. Not just church...outside of that...somewhere where we are not 'blessing the blessed' and 'serving the saved' so to speak (from Jen Hatmaker).

I'm really working on considering how to do this, how to accomplish this shift so that it's a permanent one...I don't want to be like the men in Luke 14:28-32.

This change needs to be solid.

Dances with Wolves...only worse

If you've ever seen Dances with Wolves or Amistad...you know the reaction you have when you leave the movie theatre. You hate yourself. The depth of the pain caused and the fact that my people group committed the atrocities seen and lived...it literally drove me to tears.

But facing what scripture has to say and listening to others on this journey has been far worse. I've sort of found myself in a funk. What are we doing?

My little Sis is overjoyed, relieved she tells me to find this truth and clings to it to the point of what I call complete abandon and commitment. I sit back and say...Wow. I've missed it this whole time. Am I even a Follower of Christ?

I go back over my life and I see all the times I strove for the American Dream, missing the boat completely on what should be my true calling in life. I even discount my time served with Child Welfare...I mean, that was absolutely serving the poor, needy, helpless...but currently, being a stay at home Mom, am I still fulfilling that call on my life? I question it constantly.

Over the last month or so I've beat myself up to point that I can't even enjoy my $35 bottle of Origins face cream, Have a Nice Day...granted it was a gift but this cost more than what about a billion people live on in a month. I've felt bad for having a bed to sleep in, access to clean water, a nice house, a car, food to eat and waste, TV to enjoy, time to relax, piddle, think, play...

Speaking of TV, TV has made me sick. Sick, sick, sick seeing people do house hunting for their vacation home in the Virgin Islands used to be entertaining...now all I can think of is how that money could be used to drill wells for those that need clean water or to feed thousands of children in the world that will die today of starvation.

I can't even thumb through a magazine. We worry about how to "organize" our lives or what sports bra is the best, how to eat "light" or what running shoe offers the best performance. What's the latest fashion? What's the latest music? I just can't get anything else in my mind other than how much we have...too much.

I have gone to God over and over and over now and said what do I do with this? How do I change now? Immediately. What about my kids? My family I have been entrusted with?

The latest sermon I watched with David Platt was extremely disturbing and I wish I had a schooled theologian I could go to and discuss the subject with. He talks about putting yourself in harm's way (literally) for the gospel. I can't understand this. I know there are those that do that...but if I do that, I'm potentially leaving children motherless.

Forsake all it says. Forsake everything. It's unnerving for me.

Yesterday though, God said to me...I'm not condemning you. At least I thought that's what I heard him say. I can't be sure anymore...yes, I question even that. But I feel like I felt him say that my eyes were now open, I could no longer deny the truth of what he asked. The two things central to the message: 1. Spread the gospel 2. Care for the poor. He wanted me to come to him so he could show me. So I guess in a sense, it's time to get my jaw off the floor, stop convicting myself at every turn and start listening....

I guess part of me just wants a laundry list of what to do rather than to stop and fall at His feet over it. It'd be easier to just start on something rather than stop and really see what it is He wants from me.

But that's exactly what He's asking me to do and so today I started something new. Rather than feeling bad over the blessed life I live, I'm going to be the most thankful person I know...today I thanked God for groceries, children that were not bound to hospital beds, air conditioning, traffic lights, friends that listen and everything in between. I came to Him each time and said, thank you, thank you, thank you for each thing I felt bad for having or being able to do and I asked over and over...show me what to do...I'm here and I want so desperately to obey you. Show me, show me, show me.

Part of me wonders...am I already doing some of it? I just feel unsure about everything.

This has been harder than I expected and R swears I'm making it more complicated than it has to be. But I'm the over analytical type.

So that's where I am on my journey. Seeking. Stopping. Listening and doing my best not to turn a blind eye.

For God is in you, giving you the DESIRE and the POWER to do what pleases Him.

Phil 2:13

This is so very hard, Folks. I've spent my whole life seeking Him yet missing what He was asking. So much of what we do in church is consider how He can change life for us, or what He can do for us...I feel so selfish in having sought him for comfort for so long, never turning and seeing that He wanted me to be and provide comfort for others once I was 'full on Him'.

My Blind Spot

Our journey started several months ago. Rick came to me with the idea that we downsize. That we lived in too much abundance and life needed to be simpler.

I signed up for that mentality and so right now we seek to finish our monstrosity of a house project and then sell it.

After that we would move into a house much smaller...probably about 1000 square feet smaller and we'd in turn, live smaller.

Another layer was added when I started to read "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan.

Then another layer when I heard Jen Hatmaker speak.

And still yet another layer when my sister introduced me to the Radical movement that David Platt is leading.

This isn't going to be comfortable. But it's truth. I have a blind spot.

I urge you to watch this...pray over this.

David Platt - RADICAL (1st video in series)

Contentedness....

Guide to Contented living

The famed German writer Goethe offered a list of nine requisites for contented living. They are as timely now as they were when he wrote them 200 years ago.


Health enough to make work a pleasure.
Wealth enough to support your needs.
Strength enough to battle with difficulties and overcome them.
Grace enough to confess your sins and forsake them.
Patience enough to toil until some good is accomplished.
Charity enough to see some good in your neighbor.
Love enough to move you to be useful to others.
Faith enough to make the real things of God.
Hope enough to remove all anxious fears concerning the future.

Goethe showed wisdom in these thoughts, perhaps especially in the use of the word “enough”. Often we seek something more, when contentment could come with gratitude for having enough.

There is great gain in godliness with contentment; for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. – (1 Timothy 6:6-7)

“Grace me with contentment , Jesus, for after all I do have everything in You. ”
- written by Fr. John Catoir

Read more at http://www.turnbacktogod.com/9-requisites-for-contented-living/#ixzz0mDiO7R8i

Lately, well for the last year now....I have been detoxing myself from 'things' and the fleeting happiness they provide. That's not to say I don't enjoy buying something new or getting something new but I've really come to realize that the 'stuff' we have in our lives provides only temporary fulfillment.  This discovery was made after realizing that I was relying on stuff, things of all sorts, as a sort of happiness trigger. If I can just get such and such for the house, I'll be happy. Or if I have that pair of shoes or that shirt, then I'll be happy. But sadly...I found after a year of being on an allowance and really looking at all my 'stuff' that 'stuff' in the end was just 'stuff'. It didn't provide lasting happiness. It didn't provide anything lasting...it went out of fashion or became used up or what have you and then just became...well, a donation or part of a landfill.

 

So then I started looking around at what did seem to keep me happy and what did provide permanent joy in my life and found that none of it in fact was 'stuff'. Matter of fact, most of it was people and what I did with those people, the time, the activities and the joy that comes from having friends and family and experiencing life with them.

 

Recently I was challenged about how much 'stuff' we have as Americans and all that we think we 'need' to be happy. I was challenged about the same thing I've been challenged about for the last year or so...that 'stuff' is just 'stuff' it doesn't provide anything permanent and really the money it takes to buy the 'stuff', the house, the things would be better suited helping others who have no food, water or shelter.

 

I live a blessed life...undeservingly so...after all I'm among the top 1% of income earners in the world. Baffling.

 

I'm not saying we can't have nice things but recently I started a new saying around our house..."If we don't need it, if we aren't going to really use it, we don't want it."

 

And I use that now as I go out into the world and go through the consumer ritual we do anytime we go to the store...we think we need the thing when in reality, we have things at home that are just as good.

 

God has really been shifting my thoughts to just being contented and not living in excess. It's a slow process as any good American knows bigger is better and newer is nicer.

 

It's tough thinking on the other side since it's not the norm and that's not to say I don't wish for the things I don't need...I do. But ultimately as I practice contentedness, I realize I've been so far across the line for so long that reeling myself in is going to take some time. But I'm doing better than I was a year ago. I will forge ahead.

 

And I plan to pray that I continue to grow in this area of my life. See that giving away is better than hoarding, see that true happiness is not in 'things' but rather in people, and also to see that 'things' sort of trap you into caring for them. I want to cut those ties...time with my friends and family and traveling is really going to be the 'candy' in my life. That will be my quest and in order to do that...I need to let go of the trappings of the 'stuff'.

 

Let freedom ring in this area of my life.

Simple is Beautiful

For several years now I have made a habit of purchasing either an Amaryllis or a cluster of Paper Whites (aka Narcissus) just prior to Christmas. It's my little tradition for myself. There's something about the growth in the dead of winter, the anticipation of the bloom, the wonder that still gets me every time- of the plant and the water and the light and how it all comes together.  Mostly though...I think about God when I check the status of my plant each day...I think about the symbolism represented there...the hope.

No, I don't save the same one and reuse it year to year, although I've been told you can. I'm not a green thumb. Though I highly admire people who are such as my Aunt Nancy and my Sister.  I wish I had the wherewithall to listen to what they tell me as to how I can save the same bulb year after year...but something disconnects for me when they start to explain. Sad, but very true.

I just go to Target or any good chain store that offers too much and in many varieties...and purchase one. They only run about 10 bucks and well, they're priceless to me.

Mine recently bloomed as is evidenced by my picture this morning. Caleb took interest in the amaryllis this year and we discussed it nearly every morning. He was in awe as it got ready to spring forth with color and majesty! Too dramatic? Not for him...it truly was a sight to behold.

So you won't think I'm a bit of a freak over this...let me explain a bit. And for those of you that already know I am a freak...just come with me on the jaunt. After all, you're the one choosing to read the post. ;)

When it's cold outside...things die.  All the green goes out of my world and well, it's depressing for me. I'm too sensitive for my own good, but alas, in addition to the inability for me to go outside and enjoy a moment in peace....I no longer have a feast of color to feed my inner self even from my window.

So in a sense, yes, I think too much...my amaryllis or paper white is my little 'garden of Eden'...for my soul. I look at it, think about God and the detailing. I see the green, it calms me and I get this wonderful surprise weeks and weeks later when it blooms.

I highly recommend this habit for yourself if you happen to be one that enjoys having something to feast on visually when you can't make it out of doors to study the botany of our world. I wouldn't say I'm a botanist or even a gardener so much...just a very, very avid admirer.

For some it's bamboo and it's growth rate (Luke!)...for some it's particular flowers, for some it's doing the digging and getting their hands in the dirt, for some it's the caregiving of the plant, for some it's the grandiose garden they can plan and then create with spectacular displays of color year 'round based on their plant choices.

For me...it's the watching, the waiting and then.....

The Miracle.

Abba, you're too good, too good. Hats off to You.

It's only been 10 years....geez.

Well, we're going skiing. I can't believe it's been 10 years and dare I say it...man, we look young in this photo. I'm pumped to hit the slopes again and secretly hoping I don't injure myself ;). I can't handle injury and well, it'll mess up my running. You should see how funny I am when I wear something with a heel on it to anywhere that has stairs. I know I look silly taking my time but stairs and I don't get along often. Just take a look at my medical records. I've tripped up and down them, several, several times. Then there was the dog that totally...well, anyway, weak ankles. A story for another time.

We head to Angel Fire this year and I've never been there. I used to be somewhat of an avid skier. I skied nearly every year. Not to the extent that my Sis did who actually lived in Colorado right out of college. Man, was she smart...but I did go as much as a Texan could aspire to.

I'm really excited about this trip though...really excited.

I'm in my almost mid 30s now and it's suddenly striking me that although I'm loving my 30s far more than my 20s...I'm aging. I am. I am bound and determined to take the attitude that that is a beautiful thing. But man, we get bombarded with so much air brushed, botoxed garbage, rail thin, anorexic looking stuff it's hard sometimes. I have one grandmother who has taken age in stride she's 85 and another who since I was a very little girl told me (she's 86), "Megan, don't ever get old."  I used to think at that young age, I want to, I want to grow up. We're always in a hurry at that age...but now I sort of get what she means...but I'm still not going to start up with the complaining. Sure, I'd like to improve some things, who wouldn't. But come on...we could all be in plastic surgery until the cows come home and then what...we look like Joan Rivers? (Sorry Joan, sorry but you did go a bit overboard)

Anywho, I'm hopping off that soapbox. I plan to age gracefully and happily. I just hope to be healthy and active...and do what God intended which is live life.

I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.  John 10:10

That's all.

Man...I can't get over how young we look. :)