Don't kid yourself

Yesterday evening it suddenly became clear to me that not only do I teach but I am taught. What I mean by this is that I felt God whisper how He's helped teach me so much as I try to teach my children.

I got to really thinking about it last night after everyone had found their beds. With Ethan, I learned so much being that he was my first...I learned the basics, how being a stay at home mom really was my calling in life and how to verbalize everything in a more basic way so that he could understand. I learned so much about how God loves us in the simple facts of the relationship. I also learned what it was like to be a kid again, something I didn't realize would be part of the process of becoming a mother.

With Caleb, things have been slightly different. I knew mostly what to do when he was a baby and even though he presented new challenges because well, he was new...I had most of it down pat. But yesterday I found myself reassuring him about how to love himself and how smart he is and things I know I did with Ethan but for some reason it struck a chord with me. I heard God whisper "And remember this about yourself as well, Child."

For those of you that have followed me a long time via my prior blog, etc. You know I struggle as I believe everyone struggles with loving myself properly under God's perspective. Recently, an elder in my Bible Study small group pointed out to me and the rest of the crew that as Baptists we've been good at reciting "Once Saved, Always Saved" but we truly struggle with the truth that that also means "Once Loved, Always Loved." She really hit this on the head for me with that statement.

How keen is it that as mothers we go about teaching the next generation to love themselves as God does, to take care of themselves and to see the world properly according to His plan but sometimes we miss the boat in taking our own advice or rather His advice!

This weekend I will go away with some dear friends and attend the Statewide Women's Conference and from there we'll spend the weekend in Tejas just for fun. I've felt like I didn't deserve this time simply because of the economy and other odds and ends reasons. But I was wrong, I need that time. I need time with my girlfriends. God has blessed me with that opportunity and I must take it.

I know in the past I've written much about this internal struggle. The balance between loving one's self and being what I call "selfish" about it. It's a delicate one. I'm still learning. More than anything though, I'm seeing that seeking Him first on the opinion I am to have on myself is truly the greatest resource and reservoir for this struggle.